Death of a Socialite

15 Years Ago

17 and ready to take on the world. Thinking you know enough to conquer the world. Along comes that one handsome guy that your parents warned you to stay away from. "But he drives a car", you think to yourself. "He bought me food when hungry", as your heart eyes grow. "

"Hes who they all want but he wants you," thoughts as you run and start planning your wedding day in your head. And best of all "My parents would definitely hate him." The defiant side of you states as your mind and heart closes the deal to make this man your all. Aww, the way he looks at you and holds you in the beginning was magical, especially when you come from a non affectionate household. Butterflies in your stomach type of love.

Outings and parties (only things about you can do at that age), to the late night movies and phone sessions refusing to end the call first. To the love songs being left on the answering machine to show them how much they are loved and missed. To the late period. SHIT. wait. I didnt walk down my aisle yet. To the hard talk to the parents to let them know you're moving out and having a baby out of wedlock. Love still strong. Baby arrives and comes home. Love still strong. Then the fantasy ends. Bills are due and baby is crying and work and college full time while raising your child becomes a magical balancing act. 

Love hardly comes home. I mean the showers to change into fresh new clothes. Wait, where did that money come from to buy those clothes when you said you didnt have any for rent or any other bill?  Love went to the "Hey can you help me watch our baby while I finish this paper for school or head to work?" " No? Ook. Ill figure it out." "Oh you're not babysitting your child? Ok ill call in sick and skip classes"

The 5am stumbling in drunk and high on a good night to not coming home for days love. Strong love or was it just blinded love? Deeply looking for affection and a way out of the home life that you grabbed the first thing that looked your way and bought you an ice cream cone at mc donalds?

The three day later appearences so strung out that you clear your bank account and take your family you're trying to save away from the city that is poisoning your "love". That first punch to the stomach and dishes and hard objects being thrown at you in anger Love. Love? 

Finding out two children later that the posion wasn't the city. It was your Love.

Damn.